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When will the answers ever be clear?
Iitttsssss ggooonnnaaaa bbbeee aaaa looonggg dddaaayyyyy

Nov. 17th, 2012

This can't be real.....
Chelsea's right: Everything just feels so old. I am so ready for summer to come.

I cannot wait to walk though the grass with my bare feet. Or wear sun glasses and smoke ciggs with the windows down and the sun beating on my face.

I fall in love with lies

Still, the back of my eye lids
see the summer that you promised me, with
running water and castles, built
for queens.

the spring flowers are blooming, the
dirt has turned to mud, sticking
to the soles of my shoes

[and yet, my destinations have not cleared the mess, thats
left for me to clean up

I fall in love with summer, and
pretty boys that have nothing to offer

and i fall in love with...love.
and all the pretty lies that leave me burdens.

Shades of Grey...

Sometimes i find myself
searching for something that just isnt there,
something that has some how dissapeared,
but maybe,
there is something hiding beneath the shades of grey.

So whos to say, that every love shall end
and every chance you take must come with conseqences.
cuz love, i know that this must last
i know that there must be something thats obvious,
in between the blue and green of someones eyes.
[even if their not my own]

But sometimes, its all in the game of life,
and love at first sight...but what about the seansons that youve already missed,
what about the lies that sometimes hide,
in between the layers of grey.
Was it a date-date?
Yeah it was a date-date, i spent money-money!
I dont believe that I've ever felt this bitter in my life. And i dont care. I dont care at all that i wish you would disapear. Why cant you? I dont ask for you to text me, or for me to be in the same room as the person youre calling. DONT TEXT ME! I dont care what you have to say about my writing, my art work, your incredibly fucked up life anymore. I mean, somedays i even start to believe myself that you dont exist anymore, maybe because ive put that standard in my head so much, but then you have to go and fucking do something to mess with that. And here iam again, dreaming of you. Of us, being back together. I dont want these dreams, these memories of you. Take them, burn them, drownd them. I dont fucking care, just take them away from me. Why cant you suffer for one day? Why cant you miss me, And dream of me? But no, dont worry, you still dont exist to me. I can feel you under my skin, smell you in the locks of my hair, and i can hear you, your voice, everywhere i go...but soon, this wont happen anymore. I will be over you, and you really wont exist.
There comes a time where you have to stop living the comfortable, calculated life and just slightly push yourself out onto that edge. Because I've heard that the view from there is spectacular.

-wonderful wordds inspired by: syd_ultralight
I know I'll miss her later
Wish I could bend my love to hate her
Wish I could be her creator
To twist her arms now

She stares up at the stars when
The stars fell from her hair then
I bent down to collect them
And then she was gone

Oh, I sleep just to dream her
I beg the night just to see her
That my only love should be her
Just to lie in her arms

Oh, I came there to find out
Find out she'd made up her mind, oh
My arms are all tied up
To me she was blind

This space between us
Where wingless dreams fall earless
Will you not bear me witness
With your back to me now

It seemed so unnerving
Still somehow deserving
That she could hold my heart so tightly
And still not see me here, oh

Oh, I sleep just to dream her
Beg the night just to see her
That my only love should be her
Just to lie in her arms

I know I'll miss her later
Wish I could bend my love to hate her
Wish I could be her creator
To be the light in her eyes

Somedays it still feels like youre living in my skin, im sleeping in your bed, and i might wake up to you in the morning...
Take me out tonight
Where there's music and there's people
And they're young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because i haven't got one

Take me out tonight
Because i want to see people and i
Want to see life
Driving in your car
Oh, please don't drop me home
Because it's not my home, it's their
Home, and i'm welcome no more

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine

After being kicked out of my parents house in April, I moved in with my best friend Christa. I graduated, found myself a job and now im doing wonderful. Thanks for nothing mom.


good in blue

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